it's not you, it's me.

Weighing my options for this month and making resolutions and goals for 2011. When I was a kid (or a tween, technically) and it was 2000, my dad bought me those sunglasses made for the new year with the O's for eyeholes. A great gimmick, I thought then and now, until I saw ones for 2011 on the street the other day. Alec & I both remarked on how stupid this gimmick has become, one that needs to retire.

And with that in mind....just kidding. I haven't quit making pictures or being an artist just because I didn't get a residency post or haven't had any place to produce tangible photographs(which is kind of my fault anyway). I guess I could say that it's just taken a backseat and with two jobs and moving for the 3rd time in a year, I get home at the end of the day sometimes and just sigh. I wish I had the capability to just pull out some paper and start drawing about all the things in my head, get it all out, get over it. I was never this stressed out about small things when I was at SVA and able to produce work on a daily basis. I thought I could replace photo with baking or biking or other peon little hobbies but I don't like eating too many sweets and it's really tedious to have to wake up at 5 am to bike to work. I thought that with the residency all of these problems would be solved and I could get back into that flow, but instead of being sad about this I just think, Fuck. Now what? I know I will work it out soon and things will be good.

Anyway, in case anyone still reads this I just wanted to say that I really really wish I had things to post on a weekly, daily basis and have comments and viewers and make work for me and anyone else interested. Soon I'm sure.

fan mail

Dear CCNY 2011 Residency Program applicant,

Thank you for your submission to the Darkroom Residency Program at the Camera Club of New York. We received 180 submissions, and a lot of very strong and compelling work. The jury, which included Petrushka Bazin (artist and curator at Laudromat Project), Isaac Diggs (photographer and professor at SVA) and Joelle Jensen (photographer, independent curator and CCNY Board member), was very impressed by the quality of the submissions, and the final choice was very competitive.We are sorry to say, however, that you were not selected for a residency this year.

The photographers who were selected for 2011 are Emile Dubuisson, Cara Phillips, Motohiro Takeda, and Rona Yefman. We will soon have their biographies and examples of their work on our website, www.cameraclubny.org

The jury changes every year, and we hope that you will consider applying for the program again next year. Also, we will keep you on CCNY’s email list for future announcements.

Sincerely,

Saul Robbins, Allen Frame, co-chairs of the Darkroom Residency Program

John Stanley, CCNY Director

The CCNY Darkroom Residency Program is supported, in part, by Fujifilm; Kodak; public funds from the New York City Department of Cultural Affairs, in partnership with the City Council; the New York State Council on the Arts and the New York State Artist Workspace Consortium.

this is an unusual song for an unusual person who makes me feel sort of...unusual.

Post #

Please excuse my absence( same old story).

Here is a sneak peak of what I've been doing; hard at work on issue #2 of Paper Bag!

Stay tuned, dear readers! Stay tuned. :D

Oy...

EDIT:

Karma Repair Kit: Items 1-4

1. Get enough food to eat,
and eat it.

2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet,
and sleep there.

3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise
until you arrive at the silence of yourself,
and listen to it.

4.

richard brautigan

189 Hillside Avenue

We don't live here anymore, it's the end of an era. This was my home for 17 years, and a few days ago my brother, my mom and I packed up all of her stuff, put most of it in a storage space, and unpacked the rest into a small house a few towns away in New Jersey. There may be photos taken there, wait with bated breath!

In the meantime, I'm working on transitioning into Fall, compiling work for grants, and looking for jobs. SPX is in a few weeks, but I don't really have anything to show for it so I don't think I'll be going....but everyone else (who can find a place to stay in Bethesda) should totes go.

Self Portrait # 18

Inspiration this week brought to you by: these guys.

Lately I've been super into Jim Jarmusch, which is nothing new. His work has been some of my favorite for the last few years, but I really appreciate his style and his dedication to finding idiosyncrasies in people's mannerisms, and the comparison of routines and everyday things. It's been a big influence and if anyone's not seen his films (Night on Earth, Coffee & Cigarettes, Dead Man, Down By Law, Mystery Train) I recommend shooting on over to Netflix or perhaps your local library and viewing these immediately.

I've also been watching a lot of David Lynch lately; it's what we do on friday nights at my new house. Spellbound, my roommates and I staring at the screen.

"Are you a detective or a pervert?"

"Both, I think."

ALSO, some former classmates & I will be having a critique session at my house in a few weeks, showing any new work and chatting about post-college life. Snacks and drinks will (most likely) be provided. If anyone who reads this has work they'd like to show and is in the NYC area, feel free to come and show work! Comment for more deets, I suppose, if you don't have my email.

New Work

Bury Me With It, 2010

BEST INTERVIEW EVER

Billy, Stuyvesant Park

Three hospital trips in five days, good times. On the bright side, I found out I am not at risk for diabetes. High fives all around!

neat things.

I had a pet mouse in high school named Exene, who was released into the wilderness of my suburban backyard by my mom after a month. Bummer.

same as it ever was

I'm kind of tired today...going home to nap, take more photos, work on presents for people's birthdays.

The New Summer

"Her eyes were so wide, they must have been the size of the city."

Here's to hoping the heat breaks today and it starts raining. In other news, there's this great internet radio station called Jango. Check it out, it kicks Pandora's ass. My station's playing a mix of The Kills, Gang of Four, and The Heartless Bastards.

I'm T.A.-ing for a pre-college program at SVA for the next two weeks, everyone hold their breath with anticipation to see if any blood vessels will burst out of my eyeballs.

Wrong attitude....I know it'll be fun!

HAGS

She's back in the game!

After over a month long absence from blogging, I'm happy to say that I am now back and in business. While part of my absence was due to sheer laziness, I also filled that time with a good dose of nail-biting, finding a new place ( a House!), working to afford the move, packing, throwing stuff out, getting new stuff, moving, and settling in.

I moved to Bensonhurst, a neighborhood in South Brooklyn close to Coney Island. It's a lot farther out than what I'm used to but there are so many advantages to living out here than I initially realized. For one thing, it makes me appreciate the things I took for granted before, like coffee shops, gentrified grocery stores, and being 15-30 minutes away from Wburg or Manhattan.

I also started working at a wholesale bakery in Queens and that pretty much rules. I get to prep, bake and collate two days a week and it's the bee's knees. Between that and the nightly bike rides, free time, and the starting of art projects I've been putting off forever I have to say that life's pretty sweet right now. I'm not even going to get into the heat situation in New York right now.

Artwork to follow, I'm working on something for someone's birthday and will post after the birthday has come (this weekend).

Also, get psyched for guaranteed once-a-week posts! Woohoo!!

Now, for some food photos:

I made this bread shortly before I moved; it's a braided bread with a lemon curd filling, which was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be to make. It was also my first time making bread and I was quite pleased with the results.

And, this was Alec's dinner at the restaurant we went to on my birthday. I took a picture of his because it was a lot more interesting than mine. Viva La Mexico!

Did I mention that in front of our house, we have a vegetable and herb garden? Heck yes!

i'm into this

As I am in the midst of another moving crisis (not really but who doesn't love a little drama), I've been scatterbrained and instead of focusing on furthering my artwork I've been focusing on looking at sweet time-wastin blogs, catching up, workin', looking for work, looking for apartments, and general activities that surround what happens when one runs around the buroughs like a chicken with its head cut off. In short, the usual.

In this light, I'm asking for donations for the "Help Stephanie Find An Apartment" fund. This is not because I frivolously spend my money on stuff I don't need, but rather because the rent I pay now is quite expensive and hasn't really afforded me with an opportunity to save, and yes, while maybe that Texas trip had something to do with it, I really didn't plan on being kicked out of my apartment when I signed what appeared to be a short-term sublease back in February. Now, as it stands, if I can't find an apt. I can afford in the next month and a half then

I'm pretty much fucked. So help a girl out! I am willing and ready to take any odd jobs that anyone has to offer. This includes helping people move, building shelves, photo assisting, taking old ladies down to the post office, dog/cat sitting/walking, WHATEVER. I will also take your portrait for a small sum, like $30? Or something like that. I could draw your likeness as well but that would just be a waste of time.

Don't forget, I'm also a great cook and baker! Hire me to cater your dinner party! Luncheon! Cocktail event! Friends/Aunt's/Parent's Birthday! I am open to work for you.

Plus, it's raining today. Hence the drivel. I'm so not going outside until the weather realizes its May already. CMON.

So if you think you'd like to commission me, please leave a comment or email me. I'm for sale.

*Picture Credits:

Psycho Wipeout @ Loftapallooza taken by me, SLL, Esther Pearl Watson/Unloveable, found on some TUMBLR blog, X, Jaime Hernandez/Love & Rockets, The White Lioness, Las Robertas, this great Costa Rican lo-fi girl band, the good ol days of Brooklyn.

Fight For Your Right; You Don't Have To Party If You Don't Want To.

Memories I Don't Have

you'd better watch it baby, you're too young to bust your guts.*

I went to Texas. It was beautiful and amazing and everything I hoped it would be, possibly the best vacation I've ever had. My friends & I went tubing down a river, swimming in Barton Springs, went to a movie theater that served beer(titillating, I know), but mostly walked around in the sun. Hence the sunburn I got that still healing a week later, and the layers of skin that are coming off of my shoulders. It was all worth it.

Coming back to New York was a relief as well as something to brace myself for; in a few weeks it will have officially been a year since I have graduated from college, and I find myself in a similiar position. The time away made me realize how little I've really accomplished, the goals I set for myself that I hardly motivated myself to do. Although I could make a list of the monumental things I've done, I know that it would be in vain. I know a lot of that time was spent lying in bed doing nothing. I'm not going to declare anything, I think I just needed to sum that all up.

So with that in mind, I'm trying to be more productive. I shot a lot in Austin and I have more plans to shoot coming up. If you don't try, how will you know what will happen? Yes? Yes.

I'm kind of over titles, for the moment. I think it tends to push the viewer into making a decision about the image, instead of just enjoying it for itself. Which is why I post them on this blog. Some of the stuff from Texas I'm planning on submitting to Capricious Magazine, and am hoping to find other magazines or blogs or anything of that nature to show my work in or at. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to let me know. Don't be shy.

*Title of entry a quote from Flannery O' Conners' A Good Man Is Hard To Find.

April

Paper Bag debuted at MoCCA last weekend, for all those those interested parties. I was lucky enough to meet one of my favorite female cartoonists, Esther Pearl Watson, and leave a zine for Julia Wertz, who does Fart Party, as everyone (EVERYONE!) should know of.

Other great people who made great things and showed them at MoCCA:

Andrew Neyer, of Closed Caption Comics fame, and then some.

I fully enjoyed all the peeps over at the Sparkplug Comics table, including Austin English, Eroyn Franklin, and Nate Doyle.

Victor Kerlow. In addition to making several of his own books this year, which are available for purchase at Desert Island (BK) and Forbidden Planet, if you're in the NYC area, also found time to make a lovely drawing for Paper Bag. That thing I make.

the Incomparable Jess Ruliffson, who made a book called Keep Us Safe, is still tootin' away over at her blog and personal work. Check it out.

On that note, so is Alec Lewellyn, who published a 35 pager comic called Big Title, about professional wrestling. Check him out too.

And last but not least, I wanted to mention Joe Flood, from whom I got this mini-comic called Long Road to Liquor City, about hobos on their way to the veritable Liquor City, a town which holds the essence of Big Rock Candy Mountain. The story is solid and I love the intricacy of the drawings.

On a personal note, I've had a busy March and April. I picked up a second job, working at a bike shop, only to quite after three and a half weeks due to a particularly nasty incident involving four letter words repeatedly shouted in my direction because of the pricing of a tune-up.

I was running around like a chicken with its' head cut off for a while there. Haven't had a chance to work on many personal things, other than making bruschetta/various other dinners, reading comic books, seeing my mother, working on/printing Paper Bag. Those things count, yes?

On the plus side, I'm going to Texas this week, to visit some friends and take a general break. I'm super duper triple excited. Photographs to follow.

Oh yes, and if anyone was interested, I did make and photograph the "watermelon" cake I made, but it looked and tasted like utter crap, because I thought I'd be a genius and try to cut down an already simple recipe entitled "1-2-3-4 Cake", which makes enough batter for three layers, into a recipe that had enough for two layers instead. And I missed something and the texture was too dense, and my frosting, too sweet, and an odd texture. Definitely didn't look like a watermelon, in the end.

Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy this...it will be in my head until I get into Austin on Friday morning.

In Its' Place

A Straight Line Circles Sometimes, March 2010

follies

Well, well. It seems that winter maybe on its last legs, but I heard today that it's supposed to snow tomorrow. Again. But that's how a real winter in New York is supposed to be, right? Hopefully it won't snow tomorrow because Lloyd Kauffman is supposed to be at Forbidden Planet....doing...nothing really of signifigance, just hanging out and being cool. I hope he has some Troma superstars with him, to really rectify this whole experience. If you haven't seen PoultryGeist or Tromeo and Juliet yet, you're missing out. Go rent them. Or buy them.

I have an extremely chapped set of lips right now and it's straight bullshit. But I know that there are at least three tubes of chapstick rolling around my room and can't bring myself to buy another one.

Tonight I'll be making watermelon cake. Pics or it didn't happen, I swear.

All I Want Is Diet Coke and a Cigarette, 2009

Self Portrait #13

Down At the Hop, 2009.

the last few weeks..

something sweet:

" I knew it used to be your favorite shiny thing but you lost it in between

moves, had your mind on the cold and how you had no electricity and an

expired license and another pregnancy which your boyfriend giggled about

like embarrassed, like it was a cum stain on a friend's mattress.

I know this used to be your favorite bus stop, you used to tell the

dog who rummaged through the garbage cans you'd never be like them,

and every stab they aimed at what you loved or believed in only

reinforced what you told the mongrel as you tossed him the leftover

croissants from work and wrote long letters, hoping you wouldn't get

raped, like the bus driver said.

But shiny things make everything so heavy, and there aren't enough

boxes or pockets and after all they're only rocks or marbles anyway, and

love is sex, love is accomplishment and mental health, and nobody stabs,

you can't see the difference between defense and offense, and Jesus,

you're always so tired these days, you're almost old."

via Anna Joy via COMETBUS

oh yeah, and in case anyone was wondering what my christmas card looked like that I made and sent out to friends and family, here it is:

oh by bonnie prince billy did you mean damien jurado?

Oh, blogs. I dunno if I've mentioned this before but since school ending (and a bit before) I've really used my time to catch up on the blogworld that I'd missed out on for most of my four years at colllege. Good thing, too. Now that I'm immersed in it, I spend a shit ton more time than I should in front of a computer screen. Sometimes, even making excuses in the real world so I can home and vegetate in front of it. Bad, I know.

I've been absent for a while, but have used my time well to start work on the zine I said I'd make back in October. I've a title and some pages and some contributers for it too. It should be finished by March and it's called.....

This is the proposed cover. Handlettered and photographed by yours truly. Here's another page from it, below:

Other contributors include Jess Ruliffson and Victor Kerlow. Check them out!! When the zine's finished I'll let y'all know when you can get a copy, O faithful readers.

I've been making some drawings and plan to take some more photos soon, but I'm in the process of moving (for the fourth time in a 16 month period) and will be settled into my new place by Feb. 1. And this place gets amazing light in the daytime, and all the walls are painted white and most of the furniture is white which equals new pictures that can be posted on this blog. I plan to keep this theme of starch white minimalism up when I move in and will post pictures to prove it.

Have a good week and seeya soon!